Merry Christmas!

I got a baby’s brain and an old man’s heart
Took eighteen years just to get this far
Don’t always know what I’m talkin’ about
Feels like I’m livin’ in the middle of doubt
Alice Cooper “Eighteen”

I was seventeen on the cusp of eighteen and living with my mother “sorta” and my two sisters and  younger brother on Kyle Street in Sunland. My seventeenth year was a real soul searcher.  By the time I got to my senior year everything was just review, review, review and I got really bored so I quit high school. I was seeing a girl that lived in Alpine Village, it was a nice casual relationship without any expectations you know the ones, more physical and less emotional. My mother was pissed that I didn’t finish school but by then she had no control, there was no father figure to give me a good talking to or ass kicking.

 

I was sleeping on a mattress thrown on the ground in a run down pool changing room attached to the vacant garage. This house was at one time quite a nice place with a pool and large patio, it was built with entertaining in mind but now it was just a neglected dump. The pool was now a mosquito breeding ground in what was left of the two feet of black water in the deep end. Weeds popping up through the inlaid patio stones and two dead palm trees. But I liked staying in the changing room it kept me out of the house and away from her. The only time I went into the house was to shit shower and just starting to shave my chin.

I made a little bit O money selling pot and hashish for some older dudes that I knew. I used that occasional $20 profit for food and my laundry that I carried in a duffel bag from my “room” to the local laundromat. My life was completely directionless my self esteem at an all time low and to top it off it was Christmas time. Despite this I never wallowed in self pity or felt sorry for myself, I just kicked myself in the teeth a lot.

I withdrew and isolated myself, I spent time walking the streets, I didn’t have a car. I hung out at the parks, McGroarty and Sunland and my occasional romantic rendezvous with my Alpine girlfriend.  I hadn’t surfed much because the guy’s that I surfed with were not visiting me much anymore but I still had my board, wetsuit and guitar. Soon with much lackluster and very little anticipation Christmas Eve was upon us. I slept that night in the house on the couch because we were in one of those brutal Rock cold spells.  As far as Christmas Spirit was concerned I had zilch! I wanted no gifts and absolutely nothing to do with family or mother.  So very early on Christmas morning I left the house for the entire day and well into the night. Here’s what happened on that day!

I quietly pissed and brushed my teeth got dressed and left the house. It’ was around 5:30am I had about $10 on me so I walked to the local donut shop and got a cuppa joe and a dozen donut holes. I don’t know about you but I favor donut holes way more than donuts I like the bite size snack part of em, and you don’t get glaze flakes all over.  It was then as I was prepping my coffee that one of my connections came into the shop.
“Hey Mike what are you doin in here this early?” I asked
“I got kids remember and it’s Christmas morning”
“Oh yeah I forgot”
“What are you doin here at 5:45?” he asked.
“Oh just gettin some mud then walkin home” I lied.
“Need a ride?”
“Naw I like the slap of the chill.”
“Well come out to the car I got somethin for ya.” We walked out to the car and Mike gave me a sack of some really good Mexican pot.
“Merry Christmas bro!”
“Wow dude for me? that’s really cool!”
“well you’ve been a good and trustworthy mule so you deserve it.”
“Thanks again brother!”
“Merry Christmas Keith!”
So here I was with a fresh sack of Christmas herb some hot coffee and donut holes, this morning is tuning out pretty well so far. I went to the park of course and immediatley pulled a pack of Zig Zags that I always carried in my wallet and sat on the park bench in the chilly morning air and twisted up a nice joint. I sparked it up and sipped my coffee and partook of my fresh holes. “Ah Christmas morning!” I thought.

As early morning broke to mid I was thinking about going to see my Alpine Princess and
getting high together. But I also didn’t want to intrude on family on such a day as Christmas. Oh hell I’ll give it a try, but I’m gonna call first. I went to a pay phone dropped
my dime and dared to call to see if I could come over. Hello said the voice on the other end, it was Mom
“High Mrs.Krüger?”
“Hello Keith?” “Fröhliche Weihnachten” I said, she chuckled.
“I suppose you want to speak to Anna?’
“I sure would” I heard mom call
“Anna Keith is on the phone!”
“Hey baby how are you Merry Christmas she said”
“Hi shugga how are you?”
“Well I’d be a whole lot better if you were here.”
“Would it be OK if I came over for awhile?”
“Hold on let me ask my mom”
“Mom can Keith come over for a little while?” she shouted
“OK but only till supper”
“Did you here that baby? get your sexy little ass up here!”
“I’m on my way!” I hitched a ride to Mount Gleason Rd. and walked past Mount Gleason Jr. High and down around the S turns that lead to the mouth of Big Tujunga Canyon as I was walking a very familiar VW Squareback came around the turn. It was my buddy Marco’s (Read “Rights of Passage”)
“DUDE!” he shouted “get in” as he slowed I jumped into the car
“What are you doin?” he said,
“I’m walking over to Anna’s to see her for awhile”
“Well shit let me take you up there bro, by the way how you been?”
“Good getting by and you”
“OK doin the school thing.”
“Have you been surfing much?” I asked
“a little but it’s been really shitty from all the rain, you know it’s all muddy, you can get really sick surfing in that kind of water”
“I bet, it sounds gross.”
As we got to the top of the hill at Annas’ house Mark said
“Dude ya wanna do some acid tonight? I’ve got 3 hits. Munchkin and I are gonna do some and the last one has your name on it!”
“Hell yeah! that sounds awesome!”
“OK me and the Munch will pick you up here at 5:00 sharp!”
“I’ll see ya then dude!” I said
Wow! some donut holes, a free bag of herb, seeing my girl, and droppin some LSD with my two surfin bro’s that I havn’t seen for weeks. It really was Christmas!

I hung out at Anna’s and we both had a really great time even without having sex. She showed me the really cool above the knee boots she got for Christmas. One of the things that attracted me to this girl besides her waist long almost platinum blond hair was her incredible legs, see she also had to walk that hill home from school everyday and it showed. I had a really good lunch that her mother made. She made these little open face pumpernickle sandwiches with a homemade deviled ham spread and ice cold Michelob beer. I’d had this before at Anna’s and I loved it! Besides I think her mom was a little smitten with me. I told Anna what I was going to do with Marco’s and the Munch that night and she was a little jealous but happy that I was going to be with my surf buddies. Soon 5 oclock rolled around and like clock work Marco’s tooted his horn. I gave Anna a big passionate kiss, thanked mom and Dad then jumped into the magic VW!

I think this would be a good point in this story to let the reader know that at this point on my Christmas day experience I have not once thought of my mom or what she may be doing. Nor what she may be thinking of my disappearance.

Mark and The Munch were both in the car when I got into the tight little Squareback Wagon. I was graciously givin the shotgun position. Before we took off Mark opened a small paper envelope with 3 very tiny semi translucent square wafers in it. Three teeny tiny hits of Widow Pane.
“Pick yer poison” he said. I licked the tip of my index finger and dabbed one of the wafers onto my tongue as Marcos and Munch did the same.
It was getting dark and our “trip” destination was The Cross. It was a cold Christmas night and no one is going to be up there. We drove from Alpine Village to The Cross which takes about 20 min. maybe a bit more from point to point.We arrived at the top of the hill and parked under The Cross.  I remember the sky that evening, big black ominous clouds heavy with impending rain moving up into town with a dark Mount Lukens as the back drop in the near distance. The view of town below was crystal clear. We stepped out of the car and smoked a joint from my sack but when we were done we jumped right back into the car, started it and immediately turned on the heater it was cold outside and a wind was picking up.

After smoking that joint the stone and the acid started to come on with a bang! All of a sudden we all got real quiet I was trippin on how super sparkly the town looked below amidst the darkness. Every Christmas light on every house, all the street light’s and all the signals changing color along Foothill Blvd. snaking it’s way up into La Cresenta and La Canada, meandering north and south I was no longer in the car, I was hovering above this beautiful… (and this is where it hit me!)… miniature H.O. set! For those of you that don’t know what an H.O. set is it’s a very small scale electric train set that you can build entire landscapes and towns on a single sheet of 8X10 plywood.

Then I snapped back “into” the car I don’t know how long I was gone but when I turned  Marcos said, “Woa dude you were out there!” “I know I was hovering above the H.O. set” “Huh” said Marcos “yeah it’s one big H.O. set, look you can control it with the knobs on the dashboard!” I started to turn and push the knobs on the radio which made the signal lights change I twisted another knob and a car turned right when I twisted it the another way it turned left. We all started to take turns running the town below we really thought we were running the miniature city below.

I have no idea how long we “ran” the city down below when suddenly the sky opened up and it started dumping big time! Now we couldn’t really see any more and all the colors of the city just ran down the front of the windshield. We all snapped back inside the car. The sound of the pouring rain was deafening. This is where it gets pretty strange folks. With the rain pouring down we started feeling confined we could no longer go “out” and run the city then suddenly when I looked at the windshield all the cascading water turned to blood, yep buckets of it. It was freaking me out, it was like the whole car was being poured over by a bucket of blood. I was getting really freaked out then it hit me…
it’s the blood of Christ your Saviour why do you think your at The Cross on his birthday?
Suddenly I felt very, very calm I embraced the blood I wanted to go out side and soak in it.

I don’t know how long this all took but after awhile we started to come down. We smoked another joint and it really helped smooth things out. It was early morning as we headed down from The Cross and into town. The rain had stopped. Marcos dropped of the Munch first. I said to just drop me off at the top of Hillrose and I’ll walk home. I wanted to delay going “back” as long as possible. It was 4:30a.m. when I walked into the house (big mistake) I was exhausted. I laid down on the couch. Three minutes later I heard my mother getting out of bed and she was pissed “Is that mother fucker in this house!”
I heard her say before even leaving her bedroom. She saw me on the couch and SCREAMED “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE NOW!! YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!! HOW DARE YOU WALK OUT ON US ON CHRISTMAS!! I’ll give her that one. “I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT YOU A NEW WETSUIT BUT THAT FUCKER IS GOING BACK!
“Oh yeah let me see it.”
FUCK YOU GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!”
My mother always came back at you with something good that you were going to do or get, but your not gonna get it now cause you’ve been bad. By now I was used to that one. I walked out the front door as it was SLAMMED! behind me and walked to the back of the house to the pool changing room and slept undisturbed well into the day. When I woke up I reflected on my Christmas Day I said to myself Wow! I’m never gonna forget this one for the rest of my life. What a blessing!

I moved out of that dump and into a new one that January.