“A Turning Point” part 1

spruce1.jpg “Well it’s comin on Christmas their cuttin down the trees their puttin up raindeers and singin songs of joy and peace, oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on…” “Joni Mitchell”

I was moved into my new house on Hillrose street on the first of November when I began to see more and more of my old associates. They were dropping by to hang out and get high. Seems word got out as to where I was living and since I was in a bit nicer place than previous more and more riff raff started showing up. Now I could have just put a stop to all of this but I kinda liked having people, “even the seedy type” drop buy now and then. Then one of my buddies Tracy picked up a very large quantity of pharmaceutical barbituates. Seconal, tuinal, phenobarbitol. On the street they were known as, reds, yellow jackets and rainbows. So for awhile I was just enjoying the ride.

Tracy asked me if I would hold the stash at my house for a few weeks. If I did he would give me a hundred pills every week, so I agreed to let him keep them at my house. I started taking downers everyday. Sometimes I would go to work at the welding shop to weld those sports car luggage racks. I got alot more burns when I was loaded and my production went down. Then one day I got fired for not wearing my safety gear. So once again I was out of work but feeling no pain. People started coming over to my place all the time, getting loaded and passing out all over the place. I had lost control of my invironment. I lived in a loadie crash pad.

Thanksgiving was just around the corner and I got word from a former girlfriend that my mother had moved to Northridge California. “Northridge?” I thought to myself “why Northridge?” Apparently my mother had met another guy named Gary and now she Gary and my three younger siblings were living in Northridge. Northridge is on the very northwest end of the San Fernando Valley it’s crowded and busy almost city like compared to Sunland California. There just isn’t any nature in Northridge.

One of the luxeries that I had acquired by being employed was a landline telephone, “no cells back then” and my mother had some how aquired my number. She called me one night when I was exceptionally loaded she said I was invited to have Thanksgiving diner at the house in Northridge. I was told of this conversation by my friend Kathy the next day because I didn’t remember ever talking to my mother on the phone.

I didn’t really want to go to my mothers for Thanksgiving but I thought “what the heck I’ll give it a try.” I fueled up the old 48 Ford truck and drove the 25 miles out to Northridge to my mothers new house. When I arrived there seemed to be a really weird vibe. It seemed as nobody really cared if I was there or not, you know like they were just shining me on. Maybe it was because the last time I saw my mother it wasn’t the best of experiences. Read “The First Downward Spiral.” So I sat alone in the living room looking at Cosmo magazines while everybody else was outside or in the kitchen. I brought about 10 seconal pills with me because I knew my mom like em once in awhile to relax. I got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen and discreetly gave the pills to my mother and wished her a happy Thanksgiving. I walked out of the house, crossed the street, started my truck, popped a couple of reds and drove back to my crash pad. I didn’t like being there at all. When I got back home I popped another red and took the phone off the hook and plopped down on the sofa closed my eyes and started to get some little rushes. I loved that feeling when the seconal really starts to hit your head. It felt good just to be alone in my house when all of a sudden there was a knock on my front door I yelled “Who is it?” “It’s me Kathy.” Kathy was a really cute brunett that lived next door, she would come over and hang out with me now and then but that was all. “Come in” I said. She walked in wearing a Led Zepplin T-shirt with no bra and hip huggers tucked into some black knee high boots. Her hair was shoulder length with heavy long bangs just barely above her green eyes, she was looking exceptionally hot! “Why are you home? she said “I thought you were going to your moms house today. I saw your truck in the street so I thought I come over to see you.” I told her the whole story about the vibe at my moms house. Then without a word she got down on her knees and leaned over and gave me the most passionate kiss I ever had. She slowly pulled away from me and looked closely at me and said “Keith, I want you to fuck me!” As loaded as I was I didn’t refuse her offer and she was fantastic. She spent the night with me on that Thanksgiving evening I never even missed the turkey. A couple of weeks went by, Kathy and I had a casual easy thing goin on nothing really serious. She was using me and I was using her and that was just fine.

I remember it was December 7th Pearl Harbor Day when I was coming home from the store and I saw my Aunt Joyces car in front of my house. Now if my mother didn’t even know where I was living how did my aunt find out and why was she there. I hadn’t seen her for five years even though we lived in the same town. I pulled up got out of my truck and walked over to her sitting in the drivers seat of her car. She was very distraught. “Hi Aunt Joyce are you allright?” I asked her. “Whats the matter?” She looked at me and could barley get it out “Your mother is dead” she said “What?” was my next reply. “Apparently she’s committed suicide” I wasn’t shocked, I wasn’t surprized, I was emotionless. The only thing that bothers me to this day is the fact that she killed herself with the pills that I gave her on Thanksgiving. Is that karma?

I buried my mother at Forest Lawn Cemetary in Burbank California I cried at the funeral but only because everybody else was. Kathy came over to me when I was crying and held me close to her. For a few moments I really thought she was Debbie.

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